Padre Paul Handelman Q&A with Jay

Feb 26

Loneliness…It’s a feeling that all of us have endured, no matter how hardened the individual. Padre Paul Handelman paints a vivid portrait of this feeling on his captivating debut record “Until This Point.”. In doing so, he manages to pull off something remarkable. He doesn’t speak to loneliness in a somber tone, but one of resilience. It’s a record dedicated to conquering the emptiness and living to fight another day.

This is one of those rare records that sounds at home whether its echoing through the holler or bouncing off the walls of a West Texas honky tonk. The production here is tight. Kenny Miles (Fat Baby Studios) is to thank for this. Specifically, the way the percussion and the strings are expertly interspersed throughout the record. This really serves to highlight Handelman’s lyricism, as well as his vocal abilities. I’d describe Handelman’s voice as sounding “well worn”, in the same way a trusty old pair of leather work gloves is creased at each joint in the digits and throughout the palm. This makes the songs feel lived in. The listener trusts the narrator and buys what he’s selling.

The opening track sets the tone. Entitled simply, “Intro”, it opens with ominous guitar reverb and cold, steel-like shrieks. By the time it reaches its conclusion roughly one minute later, using nothing more than warm instrumentation, it manages to throw a blanket over your shoulders and assure you that this may be a cold, lonely ride… but the destination is worth the journey.

Singer, Songwriter, rancher, veteran, storyteller...The words you can use to describe Paul Handelman are as numerous as the places he’s laid his head over the course of his life. I recently got the opportunity to speak with him, and as you’ll see, his experiences have definitely informed his music. You’ll also learn that according to him, those experiences are the most valuable gift he’s been given.

So, let’s start small… Where you from man?

Originally, I’m from just outside Kansas City, Missouri on the Missouri side of the river in small town called Parkville in the northwest corner of Missouri.

Did you bounce around a lot as a kid, or was Missouri home the entire time?

I was born and raised there. My grandfather moved the family there in the 50’s because he took a job broadcasting for the Kansas City Chiefs. My family stayed there. My folks built a home there about 23 years ago and they've never left. I didn't leave until I graduated high school. I left to attend The University of Montana initially, and moved around a bunch in the following years.

What did you study In College?

I studied Environmental Studies and the focus in agriculture.

Did you finish school and then join the army? How’d you make that decision?

Well, actually I was in school my freshman year and I was running around like an absolute Heathen and getting a little bit of trouble. I just kind of needed some structure in my life. So I joined the army while I was in college and they paid for school. After graduation I got the commission as an officer and as soon as I graduated, I had to go start serving. Had I not done that, I never I probably never would have left Montana.

So you did five years in the Army. As a veteran myself, I’m curious… Were there any lessons you learned during your military experience that help you in your daily life now?

My military experience taught me a lot. Long story short, I was a Ranger. I loved what I was doing and I loved being a Strike Force Platoon Leader. I joined because I wanted to go to war and I wanted to work with men like myself and hunt bad guys. I caught the tail end of what many of us described as the hay-day of the war, so I got to do those things briefly. Then, that time came to an end and my job began to change. We were getting sent to countries to train people and I didn't want to go train people. I wanted to go fight. So, I decided I wanted to get out. I wasn’t going to reenlist. My leadership was telling me I needed to stay in, and they weren't doing anything to help mentor me and prepare me to get out. I really wanted that counseling and that guidance. You’re a veteran, so you know… at the end of the day the military is a fucking machine dude. They don't want anything to do with you if you don’t conform and you don't fit that mold that they’re trying to shape you into. I was in Korea and I kinda snapped. Just ended up in a really bad bar fight one night and that led to some legal issues. I had already submitted my packet to get out of the army and it had been approved, but they made me pull my packet and resubmit it. I had to go through this whole rigmarole to get out and it didn't change anything. It didn't change my standing getting out or anything. The machine just wanted to make sure I left with that asterisk.

I was very good at what I did. I loved being a Ranger. I loved my guys. I just didn’t want to be in Korea training people. I was miserable. When you don't want to do something anymore. It's a danger for you to keep doing it cause your heart's not in it. None of that takes away from the experience overall. I learned so much and I took so much from it. I think one of the biggest parts of it was I've just learned how to be accountable. From the moment I made my mistake I just owned up to it because I knew that was the only thing I could do. I've always been honest, and I've always maintained my integrity. I'll never sacrifice those things. I learned how good leaders lead from the front….and how bad leaders run from the blood spatter. Bad leaders try to micromanage.

I can relate to you here. I had some great leaders in the military, but I learned as much if not more by observing bad leadership when I encountered it.

Absolutely. Witnessing bad leadership made me think back to the way I treated some of my junior solders when I was learning. I felt horrible about it and immediately decided I was going to change the way I was as a person, a leader, a worker, everything. Invaluable lessons learned the hard way.

Man, I appreciate your honesty. That was a great answer. Let’s switch gears and talk about your music. Born in Missouri, college in Montana, 5 years in the army, How did music find its way into your life?

I’ve always been passionate about music and I played quite a bit growing up and learned guitar at a young age. And then as I got older and I got focused on some things I thought I wanted to do with my life, it kinda went on the backburner. it's not that I have a one-track mind. I'm pretty good at multitasking. But when I really want to go after something, I feel obligated to put all of my energy into it. Music was on the back burner for years. Then as I was getting out of the military, during the process of moving, I found an old guitar that I’d had for a long time. I got it out and started screwing around with it again. I didn't know how bad I needed it at the time. From the moment I picked it up, it was just an immediate transition into music. There was no putting the brakes on it. And I think the reason was because I needed it spiritually and mentally and physically. It was mine, and I had to pursue it for myself. I don't know what would have happened without it during that period of my life. I discovered a bunch of new artists a bunch of new music during this time as well, and it just kind of led me down this path. I got to this critical point where I could feel the music really healing me and I didn't really understand why. I looked back I thought about it and doing the job I had in the military at that point, I just I wasn't doing anything creative. As crazy as it sounds, I was never listening to music. We couldn't have our phones at work. We couldn’t be on personal computers because of all the classified stuff and all the operational security behind things. And I just didn’t have access to music. Then during my last year in the military, I had to have a few surgeries. I had two knee surgeries and shoulder surgery and I was on a bunch of convalescent leave that last year.

I would sit at home and play music or listen to music nonstop. Eventually, after I healed up, I had to go back to work and I'd be like “Fuck, what is going on in my brain?” and I realized I had transitioned into this love for music again, and each day I had to keep going back my job. This horrible, vanilla place where I couldn’t have music. I couldn’t be creative. It was like I wasn't able to get my medicine. So that's when I really realized its importance to me and told myself “I don't know what's going to come of this, but I know I have to have music in my life in some capacity.”

Were you writing during this time?

I've always been a writer. I've always written poetry and so it translated really easily to songwriting. I love songwriting and if you asked me what I want to do I’d say I want to be a fulltime songwriter and I want to write music for other people because that's what I love the most. I love writing songs for other people but that’s not always possible, so I started playing my own music so I could at least get my stories out there. I've done a lot of songwriting this last year for other people, and I'll always write. I don't know in what capacity performing my music will be there, but I will write forever. It’s just become an outlet for me that can never replace

Tell me about the “Unbridled”EP. That was my entry to your music. How did that one come about? I know Forest Beutel and Julie Campbell helped out on that one. How did that all come together?

When I got out and I was trying to figure out where I could play music in Tacoma, Washington. My favorite bluegrass band, they're kind of Like a punk rock bluegrass band called The Rusty Cleavers. That’s Forest Beutels band. He's actually in a couple of other bands as well and one them includes with Julie Campbell (Barley Wine Revue). My buddy Cole and I would go and see “The Rusty Cleavers” play all the time and Forest is just a big music hero of mine. He saw me playing some open mics and he asked if I wanted to jam, so he and I started jamming some and he just kind of became Mentor and a coach and a teacher to me. We became really good buddies and he helped me get set up with gigs in that area. The last year I was in Tacoma, Forest and I played a lot of shows together. I was ready to close that chapter of my life and move on, but Forest introduced me to and Andrew Nalty and the guys at MountainHouse recording studio. I didn’t know shit about recording, haha, but I wanted to leave a little book end to the Washington Chapter of my life before I moved on to a new one. So that resulted in us going into the studio and Forest coaching me through that process. Looking back, it was first EP and it was my first stab at understanding what recording is and I’m grateful for that experience. It’s definitely a little more stripped down, a little more raw than my new record, but that’s what growth is, ya know. I've come a long way since then. After I released the EP, I envisioned myself growing and progressing further, and I knew the next time I recorded something I wanted to really put out a good, solid record that showed that growth and demonstrated me coming into my own as a songwriter and musician. I think I did that with “Until This Point”.

Well my friend I think it’s safe to say that you succeeded. I do have some more pointed questions about “Until This Point”, but first I’d like to touch on your experience at the Kickin’ It on the Creek (KIOTC) festival. I remember hearing stories about acoustic campfire sessions with Padre Paul and it seems as though you certainly made a great impression there. What lead up to you playing that festival? How did that opportunity present itself?

Yeah, it's a pretty wild Story how it came about. I'll tell you the background on it. See if I can make it come full circle. So, I guess in 2016 my best friend in the military, Cole, introduced me to Tyler Childers music and obviously like everybody I became an immediate fan. Tyler was doing A small van tour at that time and he was playing in Seattle at a small maybe 50-person venue, but the show was sold out, so we couldn’t make that one. Cole called me and said “Hey, let's go to Portland tonight see Tyler since the Seattle show is sold out.” I said “Fuck it. Let’s go.”. We went and saw Tyler in Portland and after the show I started talking with Jeff Cox. We both had a military background and stuff. I had just been really getting into my songwriting and playing again and so I was just really appreciative and grateful to even be able to go out there to see them and meet Tyler and meet Jeff. When I met Tyler I just thanked him for his music, and let him know how much my buddies and I appreciated what he was doing. He asked if we were going to the Seattle show. I told him it was sold out, but he said “Well if you want to come just let me know. I'll make sure you get in.” We went the next night to Seattle and Jeff was standing outside waiting on us and it really just fostered this friendship between myself and Jeff Cox and we became good buddies. I stayed somewhat in touch with Tyler and some of his bandmates.

Sometime later, Tyler was doing a Texas run of about 6 shows and by this time, I was managing a ranch in South Texas. Jeff Cox and one of his buddies, Nate, wanted to go to the shows. I was just said “Hey if you're going to those shows, you can come stay at the ranch.” I had my own place out there. They came down stayed with me. They had tickets to a bunch of the shows. I went to two shows in Austin with them and got to see him open for Willie Nelson. As we were driving back to the ranch after that Willie show, Byron Roberts called Jeff. Byron started KIOTC as a birthday celebration for his son Kenton. Byron, Kenton Roberts, and Matthew (Tyler’s brother-in-law) were on the road and they were sleeping at truck stop in Texas and we just told them to come out to the ranch. They came out and ended up staying for a week and man we had a fuckin riot! We ended up going to all of Tyler’s Texas shows and we did a bunch of Arrowhead hunting and I just I opened my door to them, and we had a blast. They didn't even really know I played music and honestly, I didn't bring it up. We just had a great time. One night Matthew and I were just up late, a little intoxicated. I was teaching him how to rope a dummy calf and he asked me if I played music, and I played him a couple of songs. The last day they were there as they were getting ready to leave. Byron said “Hey man, I host this little music festival called “Kickin’ it on the Creek.” And well, you should come this year because I'm putting you on the bill.” and I really thought he was fucking with me because I mean, we'd been having a good time, giving each other shit the entire week. He said “I'm not fucking with you man. If you can play, I’m putting you on the bill.” I was shocked. I probably called him every week for the next three months to ask him if he was yankin’ my chain.

He called me as the festival got closer and asked me if I’d play one of the pre-parties. He asked me which one I wanted to play. I saw that there was one at The Burl and even though I’d never played in Kentucky, The Burl was on my bucket list. After I played that show, my friendship with the Roberts really kind of blossomed and we really became close. I got to go and play KIOTC and It was a surreal experience. But the coolest thing hands down was my buddy Cole. This is where it comes full circle. My best friend, who had introduced me to Tyler Childers three years prior…He was still in the military, but he was able to come to the festival and actually see me play on a bill with Tyler Childers and all of these incredible musicians. I mean we used to play Town Mountain before we’d go out on missions in Afghanistan. To be able to have my best friend there with me a week before he deployed back to Afghanistan after he had introduced me to so much that music… I don't really know how to describe that feeling.

Wow man… that’s got to be an absolutely surreal experience.

Absolutely man. Also, I met so many great people through my experience at KIOTC. I’ve just become such good friends with people in that music community. Those friendships have nothing to do with music. If I don't ever play music again, I don't care. These are my friends, and these are the people I’d spend my time with regardless. Truthfully, I don't see myself as a musician. I see myself as a cowboy and a laborer. I get really cool opportunities, every once in a while, to play music. I Cherish the friendships I made during that experience more than anything. If I never play a note of music again, it would be fine as long as have the friends I’ve made in the Appalachian music world. These people have become so important to me. They came along at a critical time in my life when I really needed them. I love them like family. That’s what Kickin’ it on the Creek is to me. It’s a celebration of friends and family. That is the most valuable thing to me. I love the music, but I wouldn't trade the friendships for anything.

This makes sense to me. I’ll admit that personally I tend to gravitate more towards Appalachian music. (Outside looking in) it seems to be such a tight-knit community. The entire scene seems to be supportive of each other. They look out for each other and root for one another. Its special.

You find out really quickly when you hang out with some of those people, who's in it for the right reasons and who's not. Trust me, in that that community and that group. I mean, they're not going to open their arms to you if they think you have ulterior motives. There's not another group of people on the planet that can read people as well as some of the folks in that music scene. it's a strange, strange thing man. At the end of the day, the only reason it works is because everyone in that community knows that nobody wants anything from each other. It’s not just a music scene. It's this this all-encompassing entity. It’s so much more than notes and sound and singing and songwriting. It's a living and breathing organism that just grows and grows and grows based on who you allow to influence your life and who you choose to be close to. Music is just the common denominator.

Do you feel like 2020, as fucked up as it was, cost you any momentum in your music career? Do you feel like you weren't able to capitalize on the buzz surrounding you following your appearance at KIOTC?

I mean the honest truth is it absolutely did. I quit the ranch I was managing in October right after the festival because I had enough momentum to get about half a Year's worth of gigs booked. Through Byron Roberts I met Kenny Miles. I spent a couple of months bouncing between Kentucky and Virginia recording “Until This Point”. My hope was to piggyback off of the new record and really give music a fulltime go of it. I knew we were in trouble in March when SXSW got cancelled. I told Byron at that point that I thought it was all about to go to shit. We had a fishing trip booked. During our drive from Florida back up to Kentucky, half of my gigs were cancelled. After dropping him off, during my drive from Kentucky to Texas the rest of my gigs were cancelled as well. I showed back up to my buddy's Ranch where I was living with no gigs, no plan and then fucking two weeks later my dog was snake bitten and passed away.

Jesus. Talk about a horrible stretch brother. I’m Sorry.

That’s just my own personal version of the 2020 shitshow. Everyone has their nightmare 2020 story I suppose, but I didn't let it destroy me. It was obviously rough. Honestly the worst part about it was losing my dog, Wyatt. The fact is, I'm not the type of person who's going to be like, “Oh well, I guess I'm fucked. I'll collect unemployment.” That's not who I am. I got to work. I packed up and moved up to West Oklahoma. I've been building houses and remodeling houses and doing custom Woodwork. Right now, I’m about to move and start a new job on a ranch up in Montana. I'm going to go back to being a cowboy and I'm gonna wait to see how music reintroduces itself to my life. I'm not going to try to jump back into it with all of this uncertainty. Musicians have it hard right now. I'm watching people struggle. I'm watching everybody try to fight through these live streams. I'm watching these low capacity shows and I just don't want to throw myself into that when I know there's other things I can do. I can still write, and I can still be ready to be a musician again, but what am I if not for my stories and my stories aren't going to come from sitting around waiting for something to fucking happen. I did get to make “Until This Point” last year though… and I’m very proud of that record. So, there’s that haha.

Let’s talk about “Until This Point”. That record means a lot to me personally. What was the recording process like? Who was involved in that project?

It was recorded at Kenny Miles studio. It’s called Fat Baby Studios in Whitesburg, Kentucky. A bunch people have cut their records. At the time, Senora May had just cut hers there. And I loved the way hers sounded and I talked to her a lot about Kenny and she loved working with him. She loved recording there. I came to love Kenny and his brother Hayden as well. They welcomed me with open arms, and I got to stay out there. I drove all around Kentucky while I was recording it, but I stayed a lot with them at their place in Pound, Virginia. Kenny and Hayden and Arthur Hancock who's one of my closest friends helped me. Wait until you hear what Arthur and his band are working on. Holy shit it’s gonna blow people’s minds. But yeah, those three guys helped me find everybody to play on it. Kenny produced the record and played some baritone guitar and electric bass for me. His brother Hayden did all the drumming and percussion. John Looney, who plays on lots of people’s records, played all of the electric guitar and mandolin and he’s incredible. He’s played a lot with John R Miller. He and his wife have a bluegrass band called Grits and Soul. He's killer. Chris Justice from Wayne Graham played upright bass. Abby Hamilton sang a duet with me and then she's sang some harmonies. My buddy Dan Johnson came down from Missouri to play banjo on the record. John “JT” Thomas from Austin tracked the record. Dan and JT actually played with me at Kickin’ it in 2019, so I was happy that they were involved.

Damn. Sounds like a great crew. How long did it take to record the album in total?

I was actually in the studio for 2-3 weeks. We took our time with it. I told Kenny up front that I wanted to take my time. And he was great. He let me pretty much have all February 2020 to myself in the studio. 49 Winchester was coming in working on their newest record here and there. Man, those guys are great. 49 Winchester is my favorite band in the world and their such good guys. They’re gonna be huge. So anyway, myself, and 49 Winchester were the only people recording that month. Like I said, the recording process took roughly two weeks and then Abby did some remote recording because all the Covid shit going on. Mallory Eagle did some remote harmonies for me as well. She's a songwriter out of Nashville. We left the studio during the last week of February and then all the mixing and mastering was finished the last week of May, first week of June. So it was about five or six months from start to finish.

It was worth every second of it my man. The production on that record is flawless in my opinion.

There cannot be enough good things said about Kenny miles and his ability to make records. Just his ability to Understand what artists want to hear and to be able to navigate that. The way you feel that studio, you just feel at home. The most daunting part about making a new record in my mind is wondering if I'm gonna be able to make it there because that's the only place I want to make a record. On top of that, Kenny is an absolute incredible human. He's arguably the most humble person I know in music, and he deserves all the credit in the world.

Have you been happy with the way the record has been received?

I've been really kind of I've been taken aback by the response the record has gotten. I knew I would get a surge when was released initially and I watched my numbers go up on Spotify. I knew it would taper and plateau and drop like every new release does. I watched the numbers drop and I saw it eventually dip a bit. I just told myself that I’d be happy with 1000 monthly listeners. I have no idea why but for the last few months has gone back up and its stayed between 1200 and 1400 listeners a month. I mean, it's nothing compared to the numbers that big artists are putting up, but that's huge to me to know a thousand people a month are listening to my record consistently. That’s pure gold to me. It tells me that people aren't just listening to it because it's new and they're trying to help me out. It tells me like people really do enjoy the songs and that means the world to me.

That record definitely touches people. Hell, I’m one of them. I’m glad you took your time on it. It truly shows. I am curious though…Was there any thought given to delaying the record with everything that went on last year?

The thought never really even crossed my mind. Making that record was an organic process. I wanted to make the record. I wanted to promote it for a little bit. I wanted to release it. In my mind, I wasn't going to gain anything from waiting. Then to top it all off when my dog Wyatt got killed, the record immediately became for him. I know that sounds kind of weird. I had a very close relationship with my dog and it's hard to explain because he was just a pet. People don't really understand “pet” things sometimes. Wyatt was my cattle dog at the ranch. I had him from the day he was born until the day he died. He only was 18 months when he got killed. It was so sudden. I sat down and I did the math. There were three days during the 18 months of his life that he and I weren’t together every waking hour. I didn't realize how close we were until he was gone, in the blink of an eye. He'd been my shadow. He went everywhere with me. I mean if I got up to pee in the middle night, he would wake up and follow me and lay down at the doorway to the bathroom. He worked cows with me every day. He rode with me in my truck everywhere I went. He was with me the entire time I was in Kentucky making the record. He was with me every day in the recording studio. He stayed with me at all times. Making that record was the last adventure he and I had together. To me, it was a time capsule of the time we spent together in that studio. He was present for every note that was recorded on that record. That record was the last gift I could give him in a way. It’s strange, you don’t think a dog is that important, and turns out he was the most important thing in my life.

Life is odd in that way. It’s kind of like how people spend their entire lives wondering when the good days are coming, and then one day they turn 70 and realize that they were living them for the better part of their life, and they took them for granted.

Yeah exactly. I think as you grow older, the amount of things that you love, lessens. But the intensity in which you love the important things in your life increases tenfold. That’s how I’ve progressed in my life. I don’t love as many things in my life as I used to because I’ve realized that the things that I do love, deserve that energy. There should only be a few of them.

Well said… So Where do you stand on music as we speak Paul? Are you writing currently or are you just livin’ life at the moment, waiting for the songs to come to you?

I’m always writing, no doubt. I’m writing a lot more poetry and just writing to write, recently. I wrote and co-wrote a handful of songs for a buddy that just wrapped up a record. And wrote a few for another buddy who’s putting something together. I haven’t been playing much, just a few jams every couple weeks with some local buddies of mine that are musicians.I jam with Byron and Arthur when we hit fish camp. Arthur and I always have a good time playing even if it’s just nonsense.

Right now, I really don’t have anything on the radar. I’m moving up to Montana soon and I’m gonna be pretty much inundated for the foreseeable future. I’ll be able to work music back in, but it’s gonna take some time. There’s a few small bars in the town that I’ll be living in and they may get a Padre Paul residency haha. We’ll see what happens… If KIOTC happens this year, I’ll obviously try to make that work if I get invited to play. I’d really like to develop a following up in Montana. That’s where I intend on building a home and probably staying. It’s beautiful there, and as I said earlier, If I hadn’t joined the military, I would have never left Montana in the first place. It’s been a nine year journey to make it back there.

Well, it’s been a hell of a journey my man.

To say the least haha.

Paul, I mean it man. I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. As a fan, it’s been great to get to know you and I’m sure there’s lots of people like me that will appreciate this conversation and the insight you’ve given us on your life, and your music. Thank you.

Hey man thank you for reaching out. I never really check my social media and I’m glad I found your message. This has been really cool. It’s been great talking with you as well.

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Listen to "Until This Point" HERE